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How can I improve this English Speech?

I’m having diificulties on improving this English speech based on a ’60 minutes‘ news segment and I was wondering if you could help me in improving this speech because I really want an „A“ but it might not be possible.

It would mean a lot to me if you could help, Thanks

The 60 minutes segment ‘Losers’, makes an effort to situate viewers to feel fearful and alarmed about the influence and power poker gaming machines can have on people whether you are totally normal, completely broke, or love your life, anybody can become seriously addicted. We as an audience are presented with a report concerning the risks and fears addiction to poker machine gambling can have on individuals. The director effectively to include content, language and structure in order to promote that poker gaming machines are highly addictive and can leave someone and their money in pieces.
To begin with, the content has been carefully selected to pressure the audience to feel slightly frightened and alarmed for two humble victims. These victims, Lana and John Duncan’s lives changed dramatically after getting too addicted to some hardly important machines. To help portray their sorrows, the director inserted a range of ‘content’ to enhance the emotions that carry all the way through the 60 minutes segment. One of main things they included was actual interviews from the victims. The details that were shared by Lana and John Duncan were based on what their feelings were and how they were dealing with their situations. This helps the audience to emphasize with what the two victims were feeling and see that their problem could happen to anybody, even including the audience themselves. In case viewers did not feel worried enough, Sad and touching music was blended into the storyline of the segment to create suspense and more interest for viewers. Interviews with Darren Wilson, manager of the Brisbane Sandgate RSL and David Costello from CEO Club Australia have also been chosen for inclusion. They are both filmed with suits and ties to make them look qualified so the audience listens to what they’re actually saying. They are also positioned on the camera in their genuine workplace to position us as viewers to feel that the whole segment and the interviews are just that tiny bit more realistic.
Secondly, the director has included precise language to position the audience to feel insecure and fearful about how serious addiction to machine gambling can be. The audience is also influenced to feel sympathy and sorry for the interviewed victims as they unfold their feelings and sorrows. But firstly, the reporter and voiceovers add sayings like:
•‘Terrible temptation’ and ‘compulsive gamblers’ to describe the serious devil behind machine gambling and to describe gamblers themselves.
•And the Interviewed victims have their say by describing their actions as ‘not excusable’ and them ‘facing an illusion’ that they could win all their wasted money back.
•They also go on to say even more regretful things about themselves by quoting themselves as “cold sweats, like a drunk addict” (describing John’s hands) and Lana saying that she “can’t forgive herself”
All of these comments assist immensely to summon up an illustration of how the impact of these poker machines can be serious or life threatening for some people and how sad and heartbreaking this addiction is for Lana, John and many others.
As a final point, the Structure has been carefully blended to create a finishing touch to the segment so that viewers are more likely to remember what they’ve watched in the coming future.

The segment is started off with footage of Poker addict Lana and her family living on the country air with pleasant green grass and horses. Lana’s family is portrayed as ‘normal’ with her family in this footage but as the Voiceovers come on, viewers actually realise that the segment clip is not about Family life but intensive addiction to gambling. This is what makes the audience start worrying that someone just as normal as them could get sucked into the dangerous world of poker machine gambling. Each interview that comes after that (including Lana and John Duncan plus important individuals Darrel Wilson and David Costello) is linked and intertwined with continuous footage of people playing poker machines and signs leading to them. The director especially made sure when shots of individuals came up, their faces were not covered with smiles but with grief and sadness. This was specially incorporated into the clip so that viewers are more likely to feel startled and anxious that they could also be involved in the hazardous tunnel of poker gambling.

And, the rest of it (there wan’t much left anyway) I can’t fit in, Thanks again if you can help me
To „Andyboy“ It’s meant to be that long, That’s what it says on my criteria sheet, 🙁
To „thompsom peeks“ I need help and corrections on the ’speech‘ not on actually finding a gaming machine, Thank you anyway

Carlton gambles on its future as it has to pay back 6.9 million by the end of October?

After reporting a 2.23 million operating profit last year. it seems that the Carlton footy club has been borrowing funds. to open up 3 new poker machine outlets in & around Melbourne.
http://www.theage.com.au/afl/afl-news/blues-in-the-red-69m-to-be-repaid-by-october-20110225-1b8um.html

As a Carlton member. i am very surprised that they have been able to keep a lid on this. i have spoken to some other members. they were as surprised as me about this article. bringing to light. what has been happening at the club.

How do you see this new poker machine revenue raiser for the club. to me it is a huge gamble that they are taking. a decision that will either make or break my footy club.

Could the U.S. DoJ prosecute Cdn Mohawks for hosting I-gambling sites taking US bets? If so, how exactly?

See http://www.pokerpulse.com/legal/viewforum.php?f=4 for recent headlines and excerpts of news stories.

Turn it around: Why NOT Mohawks, Full Tilt and Poker Stars openly defying both US AND Cdn law when others have been chilled or prosecuted, i.e. Neteller, BetOnSports?
There are EFFORTS to repeal or o/w rewrite the UIGEA http://www.pokerpulse.com/legal/viewtopic.php?t=76 but it is still very much in force! DoJ prosecutes I-gambling via Wire Act and related laws.

I have a toshiba 2GB with 120 memory storage and it keeps crashing.?

Right now im in a hotel room in london ont.surfing on the hotel connection.I went to run a scan last night and my computer crashed Today I was watching yahoo news stories videos and it just crashed again. I occasinaly play poker online and visit this free dating service . Just wounder if any of these can affect my computer from what i gather my computer still has 70% of it’s memory left. It started crashing a month ago then stopped or a few weeks and just today it started crashing again.
I also have windows live onecare and it shows that everything is running normally
also not sure what an antispyware utilit is is it something extra to add on to an antispyware?

Ok I wrote the essay again please rate it and tell me how to improve it .?

The ringing of alarm clock wakes me up . I stumble through the hall while faintly hearing the speakers in my sons room . No wonder he is up so early , drinking coffee at 1 am never is a good idea . Young man , old man doesn’t matter , life takes a toll on all of us . Reaching to the kitchen in one piece is an accomplishment of its own for my old bones creak like an old boat and kicking the bucket at this age might seem unlikely , but once your hair turns gray and white your life goes from an endless joy ride to a ticking bomb . As I turn the pot on for my morning coffee I sit on the sofa and switch on to the news . At first me and my son used to have arguements on weather to watch cartoons or the news but now it seems different . Our arguements consist of him wanting to watch the news and me wanting to watch the cooking channel . Yes the host is beautiful and no I do not watch it for the cooking . Lighting up my cigarette I pour my self a cup of coffee and resume my previous position . I take a sip while the sweetness of it crashes in my gums and the hot coffee washes my throat .
My wife constantly nagging about my smoking habits has gotten old so I quickly smoke before he starts again . First my parents , then my doctors and now my wife , are they all paranormal and catch me at the precise moment or am I just plain unlucky ? One always wonders . As my son walks out the room , he says good morning and pours a cup for himself and sits next to me . I have never been a man of many words and as they say , like father like son . We usually silently watch the tv till one of us cracks a sex joke to break the ice , well more like trying to cute an iceberg with a butter knife . Passing the time with poker , jokes and fruitless discussions has been our way for many years and I don’t think that I am ready to stop . Most people might think that we never see eye to eye but we are thick as thieves , the cold shoulder is an illusion created by the people who see what they choose to see . You might want us to have more father son moments but the demand to give up the illusion about it’s condition is the demand to give up a condition which needs illusion . After making sure my son’s homework is up to date , there’s food in the fridge and leaving some money for him I walk in my room to get dressed finally manumitted of my morning parental duties .
As I walk out the room I grab my watch and the keys and bump my toe on the exact spot I always do . A quick glance around the room as a silent goodbye to my house I walk towards the exit and drive off to the office . Saying hello to my staff I ask for a coffee and step in my room and start reading the reports . After being satisfied of learning that the office is running smoothly I call an old friend and ask him to join me for lunch . Ordering our usual from the resturant a few streets away we resume chatting away and killing time . After eating lunch I excuse myself and go out to take care of some business matters and from there drive to my house honking the car horn as an indication for my son to open the garage door .
I step in my house tossing my coat on the nearest hanger and lazily drop on to the sofa asking my son to grab me something to drink as well as the playing cards . After my son was done telling me how his day went and chit chatting for some time we play a few hands of poker .Getting beaten in cards by your own son is not an ego booster but it is better than not playing at all , upon a suggestion my son made we sat in the car and we drive out to the nearest mall . My wife wasn’t in a mood so it is a typical father and son day consisting of dinner , him buying things he does not need and me sitting in cafe enjoying a night cap . Later we grab some dinner on the second floor and eat while playing pool . From there we seperate for I had to make some business calls and had to grocery shopping while my son called a friend that he had met at the exact same spot where we are now .
A first glance at the clock showed that we were awfully late and it was 3 in the morning so we drive back to the house , watch some T.V. and go to sleep . All in all it was a good day and I wish I could say the same about tomorrow but who knows what future holds .